Today is Neil and Jeev’s wedding day!
I am writing this after returning from the wedding ceremony at the Taj Exotica – or as Neil persists in calling it, the Taj Erotica! The day was stunning and Ian and I now have a second lovely daughter!
The day began for us at 7am. with Neil knocking on our door to go down with him for an early breakfast. He looked his usual casual, untidy self in old trousers, flip-flop sandals and baseball cap. He carried his rucksack on his shoulder and his arms were full of balloon animals that Kate and Rob had made during the night and tied to the door handle of his room. We were the only people at breakfast so early. Nevertheless, our day continued with the uniformed breakfast waiter turning Neil out of the restaurant for looking so scruffy and wearing a hat! What a start to his wedding day!
Last night we’d booked a boat to take us across the river this morning and a taxi to take us from there to the Taj. However, once across the river there was no sign of the taxi so the boatman hailed a couple of tuc-tucs. Everyone else was coming along later but we needed to arrive in good time to change and have the official photos taken before the ceremony.
Off we went in our tuc-tucs with Neil and Darren – who was best man – in one, and Ian and I in the other. What an unlikely way to arrive at one of the smartest hotels in Sri Lanka for your wedding! Clutching our bags of smart suits and long dresses we were jolted into every pothole – of which there were plenty, as we coughed and spluttered along in our three wheeled, open sided, two stroke engine tuc-tucs. Our driver was extremely proud of his vehicle informing us that it had a 180cc engine and could go “very fast”! As we turned into the half-mile approach to the Taj he overtook Neil and Darren ‘s vehicle on the inside and roared off up the drive, intent on proving his point. The other driver, not to be outdone, raced along beside us trying to regain the lead as we clutched onto the metal seats to avoid being bounced out. We won by half a tuc-tuc (a tuc?) arriving at the hotel entrance amidst a deafening roar from a complaining engine and a cloud of thick blue smoke. The door of the Taj was opened for us by a uniformed doorman whilst our drivers drove off hooting us good luck. I dread to imagine what the hotel staff thought of these large white folk, looking like bag people, tumbling in at the entrance saying they’d come to get married! It was perhaps fortunate that none of Jeev’s party had yet arrived and where thus probably spared considerable embarrassment.
We were shown to a couple of rooms in which to change and keep cool. There we all quickly transformed into very smart people indeed. Ian wore the tie he’d originally bought for our own wedding and Neil and Darren were immaculate young gentlemen in three-piece suits and bright ties. Until today we've only ever seen them together in hiking or climbing gear.
Eventually Jeev arrived with her mum and dad, having been up since 4am. being professionally dressed for the ceremony! Nita looked lovely in her embroidered turquoise sari with lots of jewellery and flowers in her hair. Abey, with so many responsibilities, looked a little harassed and bothered but also very proud of his beautiful daughter.
Jeev was indeed stunning, as we knew she would be. Tiny in stature she may be, but she certainly made a huge impression on us all today. Neil could hardly believe his eyes and Darren just gasped “that’s never Jeev!” Practically the last time he’d seen her was walking in the rain on a Welsh mountainside.
Jeev wore high heeled gold sandals with her pale ivory coloured sari, edged with gold embroidery. Her dark hair was tied back from her face into a heavy bun on the nape of her neck and held in a wreath of flowers. She wore the traditional Kandyan head-dress of gold chains across the forehead with a gold medallion in the centre. Despite the heat her make-up was perfect, having been professionally applied by her dresser. She wore six heavy gold necklaces, according to tradition. Gold rings and chains covered her hands and wrists and on her arms were many gold bracelets and bangles. In fact, she was adorned with so much jewellery that her cousin, an army officer, acted as her armed escort between Colombo and Bentota!
There followed an hour of official photographs before Neil, Darren, Ian and I were shepherded into a car at the front entrance of the hotel - looking somewhat smarter than we had done on our arrival earlier - and driven round to another entrance through which we were to be ceremonially led into the wedding chamber. As we descended from the car we were vaguely conscious of all the young friends we’d made on the tour standing amongst the sea of coloured saris, bright dresses and smiling Sri Lankan relatives gathered for our arrival. Kalinga stood at the door to welcome Neil officially into the family in the customary way, by washing his feet. This custom has now been reduced to a perfunctory splashing over the shoes. In exchange, Neil dropped a jewelled ring into the bowl of water as a gift to his new brother. A troupe of Kandyan drummers and dancers then struck up and escorted us in their midst through the crowd of guests and up to the Poruwa – a sort of dais with painted peacocks and bright flowers – where the couple were to be married. It was an astonishing experience! As the conch shell sounded and the drummers cavorted around us I almost began to fear we’d be expected to walk across a bed of burning coals and pass through hoops of fire! Fortunately it would seem that’s only for Kandyan dance spectaculars.
Reaching the Poruwa we stood to the left, waiting for the auspicious time for Jeev and her parents to arrive. Again the conch shell, the drumming and the dancing heralded their arrival. All the European guests were astonished at the colour and vibrancy of the spectacle and stunned by Jeev’s beautiful, truly Asian appearance - so very different from the Jeev they knew and loved in England. At exactly 10.36am. the couple mounted the Poruwa, assisted by their fathers and taking care to place the right foot on first. There was chanting in Sinhalese from the Ashtaka who conducted the ceremony. We understood none of this but have been told that he was reciting the Sthothra, an ancient tradition harking back to the wedding of Prince Sidhartha (Buddha) to the princess Yasodhara. It implores various gods to bestow health, wealth and good fortune on the young couple. Neil had to place a seventh necklace round Jeev’s neck as a symbol of his acceptance of her as his wife and of his promise to provide for her. Rings were exchanged and their little fingers were then bound together to symbolise their physical union. Abey then poured water over their fingers showing his acceptance of the marriage by blessing it. Neil ceremonially presented a gift to Nita in recognition of her role in bringing up her daughter and to thank her for allowing him to take her away. Darren’s role was to co-ordinate the exchange of gifts and to pass the jewellery to Neil at the appropriate time. Four young girls then sang the Jayamangala Gatha – verses describing the qualities of Buddha - which confer blessings on the married couple. Betel leaves were presented to parents and older relatives as a sign of respect. Margaret was presented with leaves on behalf of all our family and friends unable to attend.
At the auspicious moment the newly weds were helped down from the Poruwa, right foot first. There was then a special lamp to be lit to illuminate their future life together, and wedding cake to be cut by the couple, each feeding a mouthful to the other.
After this everyone crowded round to witness the legal business of signing the register. Ian was Neil’s official witness. In typical Sri Lankan style something like ten signatures each by the couple and their witnesses were required on several different documents - all written in Sinhala so there’s no knowing what was actually signed!
Finally, Neil and Jeev, wearing big smiles and looking far more relaxed than on the Poruwa, were lead to a sofa where they sat to receive the good wishes of the guests and to listen to the toasts and speeches. Abey, also more relaxed now the ceremony was over, made a speech in Sinhala thanking everyone for coming to share in the couple's happiness. Ian gave his speech in both Sinhala and English, thanking Abey and Nita for bringing up Jeev and for all the preparations for the day. He welcomed Jeev into our family and proposed a toast which was drunk from champagne flutes containing Tescos white fizz! We met many of the 160 Sri Lankan friends and relatives present but didn’t really know who most people were. Neil and Jeev then mingled with the guests and wedding curry was served.
People queued in line to wish them happiness. We felt so touched when all the European friends took it upon themselves to join the line of Sri Lankans to add their best wishes and to hug and kiss them both. When I went up to kiss them it nearly went pear-shaped as Neil hugged me so hard and thanked me for being there and Jeev hugged me and asked if she could call me Mum from now on. I was definitely verging on being wet-eyed!
Suddenly it was the auspicious time for Neil and Jeev to depart. At exactly 1.47pm they rushed for the door and left the hotel heading north – the auspicious direction! That was it. The wedding was over! The guests started to disperse. Meanwhile, Neil and Jeev went round the hotel and in again by a different entrance. We found them later in our dressing room taking endless bangles from Jeev’s arms and unwrapping her from yards of sari.
We European guests decided to end the wedding in a typically unconventional fashion by walking the mile back to our hotel in a long line straddling the beach in the heat of the day. With bare feet, dresses held up to our knees and trouser legs pulled up, we splashed through the Ocean surf! We must have looked a funny sight in our wedding finery with flowers in our button holes!
Before we left the hotel Sunil and Ravi presented all of us who had been on the tour with an elephant wall plaque and a video about Sri Lanka. It will be good to show to family and friends back home.
Friday 6th June continued. 11.30pm
This afternoon was spent, by the more energetic amongst us, in the pool playing an anarchic game of handball. About twelve of us joined in, not counting Ian who refereed from the shallow end.
Around 7pm Neil and Jeev turned up, having walked along the beach from the Taj. They looked their normal selves again in jeans and tee shirts. There was lots of chat and laughter in the bar until we all ate at 8.15pm accompanied by a local band performing such typically Sri Lankan numbers as “Yi, Yi, Yippee, Yippi, Yi” and “It’s a long way to Tipperary”! We drank our bottles of free wine from yesterday and everyone made a fuss of Neil and Jeev, including those few hotel guests not of our party, who seemed more than happy to join us. The waiting staff seemed delighted that Neil could speak some Sinhala and hovered around with big smiles on their faces talking to him.
I’m not sure quite how pleased Jeev was when Rob presented Neil with the inflatable guitar he won recently in Hastings, as a portable wedding gift! Egged-on by each other Neil and Rob went up and joined the band playing air guitar and spoons! They were a pair of complete extroverts but the band was very good-natured and joined in with the spirit of the thing whilst we all clapped the rhythm and cheered.
Everything that happened this evening was completely impromptu but everything worked to perfection. We all had a wonderful evening and the newly weds were quite reluctant to leave us all! It was gone 10.30pm. before they slipped away for their honeymoon night at the Taj.
During the evening Marc told us that his sister Katie had recently discovered that she is pregnant! We are so happy for her and Julien. And Claire will be delighted to be a grandmother. We have known Katie so well since she was ten years old and now she is to be a mum. How the years fly by! And life seems to be wheels within wheels for it is so strange to hear good news of French friends when we are on the other side of the world attending Neil’s wedding.
During his visit Marc has had little opportunity to be with Neil but has got along splendidly with Kate and Rob. Rob even cut Marc’s hair for him before the wedding! The two of them are considering going off surfing with Marc down in the south of the country once we all get thrown out of here on Monday.
Well, all good things reach their end eventually and this is the end of one of the most amazing days of our lives. Early tomorrow many of our fellow guests will begin leaving to continue their separate lives. Who knows when, or even if, our paths will cross again. We’ve all got on so wonderfully well together, united by a common bond of friendship for Neil and Jeev.
My eyes are beginning to close with sleep. Life will never be quite the same as it has been but there is so much to look forward to.
